22 November 2006

Another place

Music has the ability to transport the listener to another world, another time, another frame of mind, right? I know I get this sweet, nostalgic feeling everytime Pearl Jam or Nirvana comes on the radio, as both bands were in their hights when I was in high school. Just something about hearing them brings me back to my flannel wearing grunge days of yore. I can also tell you what song was playing when we went into the big new year's eve bash my senior year of high school ("Red Red Wine" by UB40), although I can't tell you the slow song Bill and I danced to that night, even though it was the first time I was ever close enough to a guy with a boner to feel it against my thigh in the middle of a dance floor croweded with hormonal teenagers. I think about the future when Natalie will roll her eyes when I go to put on some Coldplay or the Shins or some other "turn of the century" band. Music just has a way of getting into your brain like that.

What has struck me recently is the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. If they were making a movie about my life, this song would be in it, and it would pretty much sum up my life for the second half of 11th grade. I was dating this guy, John. He's so much more to me than just a guy, though. He was my first love, the closest thing I think I've had to a true soul mate (yes, that's including my husband). We only dated for 3 months, and broke up to save our friendship. Long story short, his parents were immigrants and didn't like their son dating me, as I was not one of them. His mom eventually came around, but his dad didn't (at least not till sometime when we were in college and now he loves me. Ironic, eh?). So his dad gave John a hard time - needing the phone if John was on with me, not letting him have a car to go out with me, etc. It was tough, it was getting frustrating. But the friendship we had for years afterwards was amazing. There were occasional benefits (he was such a good kisser...), but mostly just lots of late nights at the diner talking about anything and everything. John was very introspective and wise beyond his years. Some of our best times together were when we'd just "be." That's where "Chasing Cars" comes in. Everytime I hear it on the radio, I get those tingles inside, that welling up of emotion that is so hard to describe. It's a little bit sad, as that's a part of my life that will never exist again, and John is no longer in my life, having gotten married our senior year of college and we haven't talked since. Maybe word got out that I was That Girl in the bathroom after the ceremony bawling my eyes out and his bride decided maybe we shouldn't keep in touch. I hope not. But he's still important to me, he's still the person I call "my best friend from high school." I pray he is doing well, that his marriage is blessed, and that maybe, just maybe, when he hears this song a little part of him thinks of me, too.

If I lay here/If I just lay here/Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know/How to say How I feel/Those three words/Are said too much/They're not enough
If I lay here/If I just lay here/Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told/Before we get too old/Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time/Chasing cars/Around our heads
I need your grace/To remind me/To find my own
If I lay here/If I just lay here/Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told/Before we get too old/Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am/All that I ever was/Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where/Confused about how as well/Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here/If I just lay here/Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

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