29 May 2007

Dear John,

You have been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe because I'm so stressed and the fact that hind sight is always 20-20. I miss you so much. It's been almost 7.5 years since we last saw each other, and almost that long since we last talked. I can't really say I'm surprised, since the last time we saw each other was at your wedding. I still remember that day so clearly. Mostly because I hurt so bad that day. I knew it was the end of an incredible friendship, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Instead I was That Girl in the bathroom between the wedding and reception who was bawling my eyes out. And you had to go and hug me so hard and long before I left, and then stupid No Doubt's "Don't Speak" comes on the radio as I'm pulling out of the church parking lot (in the car I bought from your dad's business), and I almost have to pull over because I'm crying so incredible hard for the second time that day.

You were my best friend, my soul mate, my first love. We went through more together than the average high schoolers should ever have to go through - you know, that whole "your dad hates me and won't let us date thing just because I'm not of the same ethnicity as your immigrant parents." But our friendship stayed so strong. You brought your future wife to meet me before you took her home to meet your family. You asked me how you should pay for her engagement ring. You told me you were going to propose to her before you told your family. You two got engagned 8 years ago this Memorial Day weekend. I got bit by my mom's pet rabbit the next day. Still have the damn scar and I still think of you every time I see it.

For years I've been telling myself that it would never have worked out between us in the long run. I wanted kids, you didn't. Then our parents run into each other at the hardware store and I find out you and your wife have a baby a whole 3 months younger than Natalie. I'm happy for you, but it's eating at me. You knew me like no one ever has, and when I'm struggling with Jim and wondering what the hell I got myself into, I think of you, and how you just got me, never criticised me, and were so wise and Godly beyond your years. I still love you John, a little piece of my heart will always belong to you. I just hope you feel the same way. I'd hate to think my rememberances of times gone by were one sided, and someday if we meet again, I'd lose it if you said "Katie who?" But I kind of thing that wouldn't, couldn't happen. You always remember your first love, and I know for sure that that feeling was mutual.

May God bless you and your family, and I pray that one day our two families can come together and all be friends.

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