05 August 2007

Tired

Bless Jim's selfish little heart, he needed some cave time and decided to do it at the mall and take Natalie with him. So I'm home alone, doing laundry, checking email, catching up on blog reading, all those other simple tasks that become so complicated when you have to wrangle a toddler at the same time. I hope they have fun and I hope he doesn't come home with something stupid we really don't need no matter how much on sale it was.

We spent the weekend at my parents vacation house on the bay - and by "we" I mean my parents, me, Jim, Natalie, Jim's mom (who is still here for another week), and Jim's sister. I've been crampy and bloaty all weekend, on top of having headache on friday and not sleeping well the first night we were there at all. Then it was hot as sin out and we watched a parade in that weather and did lots of walking. I just don't do well constantly surrounded by people. I need to be by myself to recharge.

But there's nothing like having one of those quiet times ruined. Natalie was napping and people were out exploring the beach and what not, and I'm sitting at the table alone with some tea and the weekend crossword puzzle when my mom comes and joins me. Not to chat, but to ask me why I'm so depressed and not myself this weekend. She didn't buy the reasons I mentioned above, instead telling me that maybe I need more or different therapy/therapist, or a change in medication. She wants to be supportive and I know she means well, but it makes me want to cry. I try to hide it, but that's not always possible, and having your mom call you on it somehow makes it more real. Jim hasn't even caught on that I'm really feeling crappy lately, yet mom picked up on it in less than 24 hours.

So that leaves me here, home alone, in the quiet, waiting for the rain to come that is forcasted for this evening. I want to curl up in bed and not come out for a week. I want Jim to take charge of Natalie for the evening. I want someone else to cook dinner and finish the laundry and unpack my bags for me. I don't know what all this means, but I want it to go away.

1 comment:

Iheartfashion said...

I can relate to the need to be alone sometimes. Being surrounded by people and having house guests is exhausting! Hope things are getting back to normal for you now.