It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. More often than not, it was rockin. I have so many fond memories that I'm constantly reminded of friends, parties, even classes and professors. I met so many amazing people, smooched a fair amount of boys, and really found myself. When I feel like I've lost myself lately to motherhood, marriage, depression, stress, it's that me from senior year I look back on fondly as the me I'd like to be someday again.
I looked forward to alumni weekend this year, and the fact that it would be Natalie's first trip to my alma mater that wasn't in utero (last year it was rainy and we had an 8 month old so we didn't bother - this year the weather was perfect for a football game and lots of outdoors exploring). I went to a smallish liberal arts college, one of many of it's high caliber in PA. Gorgeous campus, too. I'm still good friends with the professor I worked for for 4 years and she hadn't met Natalie yet either. What I didn't tell Jim is that there were a few people, 2 in particular, that I was praying would be there.
These two people were my "big brothers." T and B were two years ahead of me. I had a HUGE crush on T, but we became really good friends and I love him to pieces for it. B liked me, but he was a bit of a skank as boys go, so I wouldn't go out with him. He kept up the flirting (which is always fun), and that turned into a friendship, and I got to see a soft, sensitive, truthful side of him that many didn't know existed. At one point we were so close as just friends I had his girlfriends entire sorority glaring at me around campus. For some reason I was really proud of this. T went off to med school to do research in pediatric medicine (he's a total smarty pants) and B went to law school and actually got married. The problem with being best friends with boys? They suck at keeping in touch. Yea, I may google them from time to time, but I don't have the guts to go so far as sending that dorky email that says "hey, remember me?"
I think I wanted to see them so bad because I'm missing the me that they knew. Somehow if I had seen them, maybe it would bring out a side of me that Jim doesn't know is there yet, and thus give him a new appreciation for the dynamic person his wife once was. Not to mention the big hugs I'd get, and the pride I'd have at showing off Natalie to them, whom I know they would be thrilled to meet. Oh well. Maybe next year.