16 November 2007

Day 16

Mom. I'm not sure where to go with this post. I love my mom dearly, but like many mothers, we have our differences and there are things she's said and done in the past that have not only pushed us apart, but are things that come up in therapy. Fun, eh? We didn't talk much at all when I was growing up. She wasn't someone I could talk to about boys and stuff. So I kept a lot of that bottled in. I only told her about Jim shortly after we started dating because I knew there was something special about him and I knew mom would shoot me if someday I was serious about this guy and we were on the verge of engagement and she didn't know anything. Now there are still things we don't talk about, but I've come to appreciate her more now that I'm a mom, too.

I don't know how she got to be all uptight and judgemental (she would claim she isn't but it's so not worth arguing with her about because she really is). Back in her younger days, she was quite the social girl. In high school she once dated two guys with the same name at the same time and her mother would just tell her "Mark called" with a smirk and not tell her which one. She was also engaged before she started dating my dad, and all I know about that guy is that he gave her the Don McLean American Pie album.

I could go on for about 16 posts in the ways behind why we didn't get along and she contributed to my screwiness, but I'll save that for my therapist. As a mom, I've come to appreciate her more than ever and love her more for how she raised us at least when we were young. The fact that she took so much of her time and gave so much of herself to me and my brother - teaching us in the kitchen, allowing us to make messes, encouraging our creativity and love of reading, taking us on adventures even if they were just to the creek behind our neighborhood. These are all things that I want to do and be for my daughter, and realizing that mom was like that, too, means so much.

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