07 January 2008

Identity Crisis

I turn 30 in 13 days. Feeling wierd about it. Maybe more so because Natalie is about to turn two, which is Officially Not A Baby Anymore. I don't know. I want to feel vibrant and put together and stylish in my own way as I enter this next decade. The problem is, I just feel blah, like my usual lumpy self who can barely keep it together. My sweet mother offered to come visit for a saturday and help me clean. She said while I take care of putting stuff away, she'll clean up behind me, scrubbing floors and countertops and wiping windows and everything. This would be the awesomest gift ever, it's like she *knows* me or something, knows that between toddler chasing, husband arguing, and work, I struggle to find time to myself which is what helps keep me sane (gotta love being an introvert), thus the house looks like a train wreck most of the time.

I'm still struggling with the new year and how it came up so fast and seemingly out of the blue. I had so much I wanted done by now that isn't done. I had projects I wanted to be working on for fun, instead I find myself moving back down to two naps a day. Nothing like falling asleep on the couch at 9am (AFTER a diet coke or two) and being woken up 20 minutes later by your toddler poking you in the face with a bristle block. This is Not Good. Thank God I have found this new doctor who is really pro-active so I can deal a little better with the time between appointments and treatment tweaks. Still, it can get a girl down. Oh right. I suffer from depression. It can get a depressed girl even down-er.

I need to focus on the good, otherwise I'm going to have a major meltdown by the time my birthday rolls around, and I don't want to damper the plans and work Jim has put into my party. The one that was a surprise until my brother blurted it out because he didn't realize I was already turning 30 and wanted to insult me for being old.


Jen said...

"Eine Frau fängt erst mit 30 an, interessant zu werden."

(A woman only starts to get interesting when she's 30.)

-my host mom in Germany, who is still interesting at 70

Your 30s, dear Katie, are No Big Whoop. You are not Old; in fact (don't tell your husband) you'll be coming into your sexual prime and probably feel sexier than ever. You'll get smarter, wiser, a better mom, and at some point being young and in your 20s will pale in comparison to having a little experience and being in your 30s.

xo, Jen the 33-nearly-34-year-old

Katie said...

i am looking forward to my 30s, i've only heard good things about them. i just wish i felt more with it than i do right now!!