07 January 2008

Identity Crisis

I turn 30 in 13 days. Feeling wierd about it. Maybe more so because Natalie is about to turn two, which is Officially Not A Baby Anymore. I don't know. I want to feel vibrant and put together and stylish in my own way as I enter this next decade. The problem is, I just feel blah, like my usual lumpy self who can barely keep it together. My sweet mother offered to come visit for a saturday and help me clean. She said while I take care of putting stuff away, she'll clean up behind me, scrubbing floors and countertops and wiping windows and everything. This would be the awesomest gift ever, it's like she *knows* me or something, knows that between toddler chasing, husband arguing, and work, I struggle to find time to myself which is what helps keep me sane (gotta love being an introvert), thus the house looks like a train wreck most of the time.

I'm still struggling with the new year and how it came up so fast and seemingly out of the blue. I had so much I wanted done by now that isn't done. I had projects I wanted to be working on for fun, instead I find myself moving back down to two naps a day. Nothing like falling asleep on the couch at 9am (AFTER a diet coke or two) and being woken up 20 minutes later by your toddler poking you in the face with a bristle block. This is Not Good. Thank God I have found this new doctor who is really pro-active so I can deal a little better with the time between appointments and treatment tweaks. Still, it can get a girl down. Oh right. I suffer from depression. It can get a depressed girl even down-er.

I need to focus on the good, otherwise I'm going to have a major meltdown by the time my birthday rolls around, and I don't want to damper the plans and work Jim has put into my party. The one that was a surprise until my brother blurted it out because he didn't realize I was already turning 30 and wanted to insult me for being old.

2 comments:

Jen said...

"Eine Frau fängt erst mit 30 an, interessant zu werden."

(A woman only starts to get interesting when she's 30.)

-my host mom in Germany, who is still interesting at 70

Your 30s, dear Katie, are No Big Whoop. You are not Old; in fact (don't tell your husband) you'll be coming into your sexual prime and probably feel sexier than ever. You'll get smarter, wiser, a better mom, and at some point being young and in your 20s will pale in comparison to having a little experience and being in your 30s.

xo, Jen the 33-nearly-34-year-old

Katie said...

i am looking forward to my 30s, i've only heard good things about them. i just wish i felt more with it than i do right now!!