28 February 2008

Stupid, stupid me

I stepped on the scale yesterday. And again this morning. Just to see if it was lying to me yesterday. The good news? I dropped 3lbs between late yesterday morning and first thing this morning. So not really. The bad news? I'm only 15lbs away from where I was when I was 9 months pregnant. Nice. This repulses me. And I have to not turn to food to make myself feel better. That's the hard part. I don't undestand why my body turns to food, but I guess it's the same reason some people turn to alcohol, drugs, indiscriminate sex, or something to make themselves feel better. The only alternative to food I've come up with so far is shopping, which I can't really afford and when you weigh almost as much as you did when you were with child, looking at new spring colors and such isn't all that fun when you pull out the gingham shirt in your size and it looks more like pillowcase than a shirt.

To complicate matters more, Natalie has realize we're weening and that yesterday she had been 3-4 days without her roo-roo. So she was uber clingy, and we spent 20+ minutes at the Y trying to pry her off me so I could go exercise. She was crying and crying so hard. I thought maybe she wasn't feeling well, as she asked to take a nap early, so I put her down and she was happy to go down. But she never napped. We went to the mall so we could do an errand or two and let her run around and burn off any extra energy, and after some more crying at home she finally kicked it at 4:45pm. Let her sleep till 6 and she went to bed no problem a whole half hour late.

This morning? She was cranky and wanted to nurse, but we're working on other ways to soothe. I've been telling her that the roo-roo's are sleeping, but she can always hug and cuddle them. Well, she wanted to cuddle for an hour while we sat on the couch and I watched the news. Then we cuddled on and off during sesame street, and now she's playing by herself happily. Thought it would be a good day to pull out a new toy, so she's playing with her egg shape sorters (I got these for her a few weeks ago, I remember them from when I was little - you open the eggs and inside are a shape and you have to fit the right shapes together to get the eggs back, and they come in their own little egg carton). I have a feeling the Y isn't going to work out again today, but I don't want to not try lest she think she can get her way. That sounds awful, doesn't it? These are the days that it's so hard to parent and feel like you are doing the right thing versus setting her up for years of therapy later.

1 comment:

HeatherB said...

Ahh yes the "joy" of being an emotional eater. I know it well. It's tough. For me one thing that works is writing it down. For a looong time I had a journal in my kitchen and when I found myself in there scrounging for food when I wasn't even hungry I wrote down why the feelings whatever. Seemed to help, but I STILL struggle with it sometimes. i.e a whole entire carton of cookie dough ice cream the night Christi died.

So hang in there my friend. And you know you can always send me an e-mail or post and I'll talk you down. :)

Hugs and kisses to you and the sweet one!