15 September 2008

Update

Saturday was my third OA meeting. The only thing I don't like is that I didn't start going sooner. I am so encouraged each week, not so much by anything specific people say, but just by being in a room full of people (women) who struggle with food the same way I do. That alone has given me confidence; I can see others who have succeeded and yet even they still need the support of OA to keep on the straight and narrow. This is so much bigger than me, and even when I lose weight someday, the issues I have with food will still be there, but I will hopefully have found the strength and the support to deal with them better than I have in the past.

I don't feel like I'm losing any weight yet, but I don't mind. Going each week gives me confidence to keep on and I was actually looking forward to this past saturday's meeting. I find the biggest change so far is that I'm more conscious of my food choices - I find myself really asking myself "am I hungry or just bored? or upset? or frustrated?" before reaching into the fridge. And it's not that I didn't do that before; it's just that now, I don't beat myself up for whatever choice I make. If it's a good choice, that's all it is - "yes, I am hungry, I'm going to have this yougert." But when I find myself eating for reasons other than hunger - these are times where I need to work on identifying the need before I eat instead of after - I don't lay on the guilt about a lack of self-control. I know somehow that this is a learning process, that others have struggled before me, and I'm able to move on, not dwell, and do better the next time I'm tempted.

That's my goal for now, besides learning the 12 steps which I kind of like, I'm going to focus on eating for hunger, stopping when I'm full even if my plate is not empty, and not eating when I'm feeling other emotions. From there I figure I'm slowly meld into making better food choices, and the weather is going to start cooling down substantially where soups and chillis and other vegetable laden yumminess is going to be on our dinner menu weekly. I know what I should be eating, it's just all the other trash in my head interfering with my ability to make those choices, not to mention telling me I need food to feel better.

So of I am on this journey, all 205lbs of me (see picture from labor day weekend). My doctor wants me at 185 by christmas, and for the first time in a while, I feel confident I can meet that goal. March is a family reunion of sorts on Jim's side and there will be swimming in a hotel pool - I'd like to be fitting into my cute bathing suit again. Maybe be 170? From there, my doctor wants me to get down to 150, but I say 145 so I can call it an even 60lbs lost.

2 comments:

HeatherB said...

Dear Katie,

It really sounds like you have found something that works for you and that's great!! I'm so darn proud of you for taking this step to identify your issues and find a place where you feel safe to get the help and support you need.

I think it takes great courage to be able to do that.

Sounds like you have a good plan going and I know that you will have success.

With Love,
Heather

HeatherB said...

Ooops I forgot I started my own blog at osurunnergirl262.blogspot.com

:)