23 September 2008


I think the momentum of my first few weeks of OA is wearing out. A gal at saturday's meeting suggested I add anothing meeting into my week to stretch out the good vibes and not have to wait a whole 7 days for another dose. I think I may do that. I'm still not focusing on my diet, I'm focusing on those cravings and the mindless eating and the reasons behind my urges to eat when it's not meal time. I realized it's not anger or boredom that fuels those binges, it's frustration. Frustration at a toddler who won't listen. Frustration at my self for not being able to figure out how to best manage my time, frustration at my husband for being a dolt. "I'm not angry at him, I just wish he didn't act/say/do things like that." That, my friend, is frustration. And for whatever reason it drives me to want to eat, as if food is a soothing balm for my soul that will absorb the acid eating away at my self.

The opposite of frustration, at least the best that I can tell, is peace and contentment. So that's what I'm trying to do. If it means leaving for an activity substantially earlier than planned so if Natalie starts pulling out the stubborness, we can still get places on time. It's accepting that sometimes there's no chance of convincing her to do something else, and to be OK with it and just move on. She's being herself, this is what toddler's do. I'm the one who needs to find peace with her actions and not turn to food to try and find peace.

So I'm trying to take deep breaths, be more accepting, and channel that furious need for effeciency into my work, which I've been doing a lot of lately. I kind of created a big project for myself and have been chipping away at it. If I can't accomplish my daily routine in a way that satisfies my need to be speedy, efficient, and not wasteful of time or energy, I find that completing another chunk of this project comes with a serious sense of accomplishment. And when this project is done (probably end of this week), it will go off for comments and technical editing and be out of my hands for who the hell knows how long. So I'm going back to sewing. Sewing brings me peace and accomplishment, and maybe I can finally get that etsy shop up and running before the Christmas holiday shopping season is in full swing.

1 comment:

HeatherB said...

Yep Frustration can make you want to soothe it with food for sure.

Might I suggest a kick boxing or other such class for you at the Y?

"We've" (the girls and I who all run together) have been known to do some POR (Pissed off Running) in our time. I can attest to the fact that it does work! :) So maybe challenging that frustration into something physical might work as well?

Hang in there! I think adding another OA meeting is a great idea if you can swing it. :)