14 December 2009

Drama

I wish there wasn't so much drama in my life, but there is, and I don't always know how to deal or what the right reaction is. Seems like I get worked up about the little things but try to gloss over the big things. Like the fact that there's a golf ball sized cyst on my right ovary. We went in there at my annual exam to check on my fibroid (which hasn't grown in a year so we're going to ignore it for now) and BAM! Had to find something else. There's a variety of reasons for having a cyst in there, and my doctor isn't too worried (it wasn't super dense, just fluid filled, so no biopsy for now). But given my propensity not to ovulate and the fact that this one is larger than your average about-to-have-a-period cysts that happen all the time...I'm a little worried. I do feel pain there, but on a scale of 1 to 10 we're talking a 1, if that. It's more like a slight cramp that comes and goes. I've been chalking it up to my wacky reproductive system as a whole. So...I have to keep a journal of when I feel pain on that side (4 out of the past 6 days) and see if I get my period on my own. It's been 42 days. I've been taking progesterone on days 22-27 to induce a period, but skipped this month since I was going in for my check-up. We'll keep an eye on the pain befure, during, and after a period. So, yeah. I'm trying not to think about this one till the new year when we have some data behind us.

In good news, we have more ammo for the PCOS diagnosis - clear as day in black and white: I do not make near enough progesterone during the luteal phase of my "cycle." Not surprising, but nice to have it in writing now. Also, I do not produce enough seratonin. SERATONIN, people! The chemical that effects MOOD? No wonder I've been in such a plateau of depression! Plus a number of other vitamins/minerals/hormones that I'm off on all effect fatigue and anxiety. None are hugely off like the seratonin, but in concert together it adds up to one fucked up little body of mine. So we're playing with vitamins/supplements to boost seratonin production and other neuro-conectors and things should be running more smoothly soon. I hope.

I also hope that since I'm an emotional eater, and my emotions will soon be on the upswing, I'll be able to to get a better grip on that emotional eating. I was up 15lbs from the last time I stepped on the scale a few months ago, which is troubling, and confusing. Confusing because I don't know where that weight is - I've been wearing the same jeans for ages now. It's not like I wear sweats around the house. Wondering if I have a hollow leg or something. Anyway, I'm cautiously optomistic and plan on kicking the eating plan into high gear after the holidays. Sure, sure, the rest of your life starts now and all that shit. I'm trying out some new recipes, have cookies to bake, and a huge family dinner to look forward to on Christmas :)

08 December 2009

Long time no blog

Busy doesn't even begin to describe life these days.

One aspect of the insanity is that I've officially started my own photography business. I am a no-nonsense portrait and event photography that is AFFORDABLE (this is DC and I hope to someday be able to charge DC rates if you get what I mean) as I build my portfolio. I've done two family holiday picture session that went over like gangbusters and am booked for a friend of a friend's wedding in May. Casual outdoor affair with 100 people - just my style. So far I have two happy clients and word is getting around.

Let's rewind a little bit...2 years ago, TWO YEARS AGO, my sweet darling husband bought a $900 digital camera with money we didn't have. His intent was to start doing event photography on the side. Fine, I said. I'll stop being pissed when you make $900 with it. I encouraged him to put together a portfolio. To scan in some of his photos from back in the day and use them. At a friend's wedding a year after that purchase, he asked if it would be OK to take some pictures. He shot maybe 30 pics. A few months later I took "his camera" as he STILL calls it to California with me for my friend's wedding. I shot over 300 pics in two days and love love loved it. I've been shooting more and more ever since.

That's what got me to finally officially "open for business." Too many friends are using photos I took - at the park, at nursery school, at playgroup - as grandparent gifts or in their holiday cards. My close friends have been urging me to take this hobby to the next level. So I made business cards, sent out postcards to everyone on our Christmas card list, put together a portfolio and started marketing myself. If I get no jobs between now and that wedding in May, I'll have at least earned back the money Jim spent on the damn camera.

So I told him tonight, about how I just booked Kate's wedding in May. AND THE FUCKER HAS THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME I SHOULD CONSIDER BRINGING HIM ALONG AS A SECOND PHOTOGRAPHER, THAT 100 PEOPLE IS TOO BIG FOR ME TO SHOOT ALONE. I'm so pissed. So pissed it has driven me to blog for the first time in months. Grr...

28 August 2009

Sometimes I truly ache for another child. I've been thinking a lot about adoption lately, the thought of taking a child out of a confusing, hopeless, depressing situation (read: orphanage in an underdeveloped country) and giving that little one love, trust, a family, an education, and the chance to become someone instead of being one of the forgotten and overlooked. I hate that it's so paper-work focused and red-tape oriented to adopt a child, especially internationally. Stories of people waiting years before things come together - through multiple times when finger prints or reports had to be re-done becuase they had expired yet again during all the waiting. I'm frustrated that two dumb as rocks idiots hooking up in the back of a car can make a baby, yet it takes wonderful caring people such anguish to adopt.

As Christians, we're called to take care of the widows and orphans. A family at our church were struck upside the head with that when they went abroad to help at a Romanian orphanage's summer camp for the children. A few months later, Jack was home with them. Born with arms that end of at the elbows, he was abandoned by his mother and had spent the first 4 years of his life in that orphanage, probably to spend many more there if it wasn't for this family. He's the sweetest kid, picking up english so quickly, and with a face that's full of joy and love. I want to be able to give that to a kid who wouldn't get it.

However, I can't even get a husband to say "yes, let's try for #2" - instead I go on the fact that he seems to have forgotten I'm not on the pill. Haven't been for a year now. Conceiving Natalie was a miracle, if it's meant to happen again, it will. I don't see us ever adopting; besides getting Jim to agree to something that intensive (commitment is NOT a forte of his), I don't know where we'd get the thousands of dollars in fees to pay for it. We can't even afford to fix our bathroom with it's slowly failing plumbing, rotting vanity and cracked sink, let alone adopt a baby. I guess I need to keep praying for peace, for God's will to be done. For a baby to come into our lives, or not. For me to be accepting of that and not have those twangs of longing every time I see an infant. If we're only meant to have one kid, we got a pretty damn good one.

17 August 2009

What does it take?

To rid ones self of sugar, carbs, bad eating habits, etc.? I keep thinking in another world my house would be devoid of food, I wouldn't have to run errands around places that sell goodies, I'd be able to do the things that make me happy (painting, sewing) all day and therefore not have thoughts of chocolate running amongst my grey matter 24/7, and there'd be a gourmet vegeterian chef to cook me three meals a day plus snacks of delishious tasty food that is not salad 9 times out 10.

But how is a real person supposed to do it? When I'm stressed and overworked and tired and achy and PMSy and just want some chocolate fucking ice cream? When I'm too tired to actually make something for dinner and would rather just have a bowl of cereal? When I get a flat tire and just want to pull my car into the nearest deli because I deserve a big chicken salad sandwich on an everything bagel for having to deal with all that in the august heat and humidity? What is that person supposed to do?

12 August 2009

Fat

Ugh, I wish I could post the picture from a bbq this past weekend that a friend took. HORRID. I'm a giant fat turd. That being said, I may finally be convinced I need to start wearing a smidge of makeup when going out, you know, to hide the giant bags under my eyes and at least give my face some features to stand out amongst all that FAT. Ew. What's hard is that I don't feel as huge as I look in pictures. Does the camera add 20lbs? Or 50?

The good news is I think this is the catalyst I need to go back to no-sugar. I did awesome this spring for 6-8 weeks, It started out easy and got harder but I stuck to it. Frustrating as everyone says cutting sugar is hard at first but then gets easier. Hm. Anyway, I was feeling all proud of myself and stepped on the scale and BAM, up two pounds. Depressed, I went home and ate my feelings for a week before seeing my doctor and on her scale, I had lost a pound from the week before. What the fuckity fuck is up with that. But, I know in the long run, sugar is my downfall. I also need to get back to OA meetings, although I'm much more aware of my eating compulsions and am better at cutting those out. Still. I hate the struggle, I hate looking in the mirror and thinking "ok, I'm looking not too terrible" and then to see pictures that make me look just the opposite. Which is why I don't let people take pictures of me for a reason. Probably why I like being on the other side of the camera.

16 July 2009

Funk

Summer. Busy. Tired. Fat. Busy. Toddler. Busy. Work.

Yup, that about sums up life right now.

10 June 2009

bummer!


There's a nurse-in on the hill tomorrow and I'm totally bummed that I'm no longer nursing. Part of me is itching to go just to photograph it, but alas, I'll be spending time with a friend who's in town. From the middle east (state dept wife). Fair enough excuse, but I'd totally ditch her and go to the nurse-in if it was June 2006 or 2007 instead of 2009...

"Nurse-In" On Capitol Hill Rep. Carolyn Maloney, Senator Jeff Merkley to host 'Right to Breastfeed' event10am Thursday, June 11, House Triangle

WASHINGTON - Representatives Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) and Senator Jeff Merkley (D-OR) will host a news conference Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 10:00 a.m. to reintroduce the "Breastfeeding Promotion Act," which would protect the rights of breastfeeding mothers who return to the workplace after childbirth, and the health and well-being of their children.
The Breastfeeding Promotion Act:


  • Protects breastfeeding moms from discrimination under the Civil Rights Act of 1964

  • Provides tax incentives for employers that establish private lactation areas in the workplace Establishes minimum safety standards for breast pumps

  • Allows breastfeeding equipment to be tax deductible for families

  • Affords working breastfeeding moms with the time and privacy they need to express milk
Currently, 38 states and Puerto Rico have laws on their books protecting the rights of women to breastfeed. The Breastfeeding Promotion Act would move beyond the patchwork of state laws and establish a national protection for breastfeeding mothers.

WHAT: Press conference to introduce the Breastfeeding Promotion Act

WHO: Sponsors, cosponsors, supporting groups & dozens of nursing mothers Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), House Sponsor of BPA
Senator Jeff Merkley (D-OR), Senate Sponsor of BPA
Rep. Lois Capps (D-CA), RN and co-sponsor
Dr. Joan Meek, M.D. Chair, U.S. Breastfeeding Committee
Marion McCartney, Certified Nurse Midwife, American College of Nurse Midwives

WHEN: Thursday, June 11, 2009, 10:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m.

WHERE: House Triangle, East Front Lawn of U.S. Capitol (toward House side)
Map: http://maloney.house.gov/documents/women/breastfeeding/triangle09.JPG Nearest Metro: Capitol South, Blue/Orange Lines
RAIN ROOM: 2103 Rayburn House Office Building

09 June 2009

Bittersweet

We had a combination birthday/farewell dinner last night for our friend Lisa. She's moving back to Cleveland, where she grew up and has family. She's had a rough time recently - nothing like becoming a widow after 10 months of marriage to really put you in a serious funk. But she's come so far, and as a group of friends, we've come so far, too. There's something about a horrible, tragic, untimely death within a group to pull people together - I was one of the three who organized the food and cooking for 150 people after Joel's memorial service on 2 days notice. Lisa and Joel had just purchased their first home about 45 min away not a month earlier, and a gang of us went out there to paint, hang curtains, etc. to get it put back on the market so Lisa could sell it and move back to DC, closer to her friends, closer to a life she knew. We're the ones who packed up the u-haul and unpacked it in her new apartment. Who pitched in money for pizza to feed everyone who helped on those work days. Something about seeing your friends come together like that makes you realize that these really are the awesomest people, and you know that they would do the exact same thing if it was you who was in a pickle. We really are a family, an "urban tribe" as we joke.

So getting together last night was hard. We're going to miss Lisa terribly, but wish her well. So well. She's got an opportunity to start fresh, where she doesn't have that label hanging over her head, even as faded as it is here after 5 years since Joel's death. Seeing friends last night, a few of whom have gotten married, moved further out in the burbs (or the middle east in the case of our state department friend who was fortunately in town for the first time in 3 years), was so good. Even though we're more spread out and our lives don't interconnect as much these days, these people are still my FRIENDS. There's so much love and understanding among us, it's mind boggling. There's something to be said, too, for the hugs from friends who KNOW, who understand what you are going through, who genuinely care. And putting a dozen such people around the table together to eat tex-mex and raise a margarita glass with you leaves such a warm and fuzzy imprint on one's heart that I'm still glowing from it today.

01 June 2009

Three options

Door #1 - Go back on birth control.
Pros: Regular periods!
Cons: It's only a matter of time before we want to conceive again and I have to go off, not to mention my tolerance for any one prescription that seems to be almost exactly two years for the side effects to overtake the pleasure of hormones that work like a fine swiss watch. Feels like surrendering to fate, waving the white flag and saying "fine."

Door #2 - Clomid!
Pros: We'd probably get another baby real soon!
Cons: I've heard two of the biggest side effects are anxiety and irritability, two things I have too much of to start. And there's the whole convincing the husband to be decisive about the when and how we want to have another child. Feels like a big step. A HUGE step.

Door #3 - Provera! Plus ovulation tests and basel body temperature tracking.
Pros: Ability to control my period by inducing one whenever the fuck I want it. Also don't have to commit to a kid at this moment. Maybe a 2nd conception will just happen spontaneously. Like it did with Natalie.
Cons: Cramps, and that constant unknowning of will or or will I not get my period on my own? Am I even ovulating? Why does the PMS kick in on time by the rest of me doesn't work? Not to mention ovulation testing kits are expensive, and the last time I charted my temp Jim got pissed off hearing the beep of my thermometer every morning. And then he got pissed when I switched to a traditional thermometer and had to crack the curtain open to get enough light to read it.

So. I'm back where I started. But I had a good chat with my doctor (sometimes I think we'd be good friends if we just met randomly at the park with our kids), she made lots and lots of notes in my chart, and we're just going to let things be for a while now. It did feel good hearing from a medical professional that yes, what I'm dealing with sucks. Validation isn't so terrible in the end.

29 May 2009

Good end

My faith is pretty strong, I believe God does things for a reason, that this grand universe isn't just some coincidental arrangement of matter. However, there are times, when I feel like there is a such a thing as karma, and it is on my side. Take tonight, for instance. I had a hell of a day - my babysitter crapped out on me for the 2nd or third time - no show, no call. I had piles of work to do and an over tired toddler on my hands who wouldn't rest, let a long take a nap. I ended up getting nothing done except spend a relatively calm hour playing dominos with Natalie. By the time Jim came home, I need to get OUT or I was going to have to pop another lorazapam which I already did once this week and like to try and avoid if at all possible. I had some proofs that needed to get fedexed, so I threw them in the car, hit the fedex office by way of target so I could get some packing tape b/c I always seem to lose the one roll we have in the house. Made it there just as the truck was getting loaded up for the night. Sweet! Figured I'd call Jim, see if they went for a walk or something, considered stopping somewhere to wander before going right home. Jim didn't answer which meant to me that I shouldn't go home yet.

As I was waiting at a light, poking around inside his car which I normally don't drive, I found a $25 Barnes and Noble gift card. It had a "I voted" sticker on it, so I know it was at least from November. And look! There's a Barnes a Nobles two blocks off the road I'm taking home! I pop in, check to see how much is left on the card and guess what? It's still worth $25!! 20minutes of trolling the shelves and I had two paperbacks to purchase. Perfect pool reading (as I have this thing about not taking library books places like the pool or beach where they could get ruined) for the summer!

And it gets better! I get home, find Natalie in her pajamas with a book picked out to read, and also find out that she peed all over the couch (never happened before) and JIM HAD TO CLEAN IT UP. How many times in the past 3 years have I changed bedding that has been peed on? Too many to count. How many times has he done that? ZERO. I felt so...justified. It was the final little push of hope that the universe hasn't forgotten me that I needed. A little breather out by myself, to come home and find a mess that I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH. Ahhhh....almost as good as a big glass of wine to relax one's soul.

27 May 2009

Day Who the Fuck Cares

I've got a call into my doctor.

I've gone down hill ever since the PMS hit 2+ weeks ago. It sucks. I felt so *good* for a while there, starting in early april, getting my period in 29days, being tired and exhausted but actually being able to say I feel *good* was fantastic. My diet was easy for the first time in forever, I don't know why, it just was. I stuck to my food plan with minimal if any strayings, and it was OK. Things were not calling my name from the fridge for the first time in forever. Then pms hit. Fine. I took it as a sign that my period was just around the corner. Nothing. Nothing for a week and a half. then 5 days of progesterone, 5mg in the morning and 5mg again at night. Hopped up on hormones is real fun, especially when you throw in a marriage counseling session on day five. I was cranky, irritable, just wanted my period to come because I knew I'd feel better. Well, it came. Of course when I was visiting my parent's in their little small town on the bay with 350 year round residents. Had to drive to the next town over, the one with the stop sign and a genral store/gas station/post office to buy their one box of tampons. Heaviest period in ages for me. Not since I had that clot in my uterus 10months post partum. Had to have mom rescue me at the beach with additional supplies before I left a red ass print on my beach chair.

Aside from the bloating being a bit better, I still have my period, and I feel even shittier than I did a week ago, and that's with a long weekend away inbetween where I had no responsibities except breathing, napping, and catching up on some reading. So a call into my gynos office. We'll see what she has to say. We'll see if I can make it through the appointment without bursting into tears.

20 May 2009

Big Girl

I realize I've gotten out of the habit of posting about Natalie, instead choosing to focus all about ME! ME ME ME!!! OK, she's three, the monthly milestones aren't as dramatic as they were 2+ years ago. Plus, PCOS, eating sugar free, and all that crap have kind of invaded my thoughts constantly and in order to clear my head I find I need to write it down here. Which is good. I'm on day 38 of my cycle, I've been PMS-y since about day 26, I just finished my progesterone yesterday so hopefully in a few days I'll finally get my period. Just in time to be at the bay (beach = bathing suit = sucks) memorial day weekend. Great.



Anyway, here's a pic of the little lady, who shows signs of being fiercely independent like her mother. She dressed herself, and yes, that is a cardigan UNDER her shirt. She's also listening to a little "Single Ladies" on my ipod, which she then sang to herself the rest of the morning. Nice.


18 May 2009

Blessings

I think it's easy, especially here in Washington, DC, to get wrapped up in money, and making enough to support a certain level of lifestyle, etc. We've always been on the bottom of the middle class, I have to work or we couldn't afford this house, and would be living, crammed into a small two bedroom apt, and probably barely have survived Jim's most recent layoff this past fall. Not that people don't live that way, and even if that is how we were living, we'd be thankful for the roof over our heads and all that. But we like the luxury of little things, like a yard, a neighborhood to play in, a basement to store our crap in, a shed to keep our bikes in (instead of hanging them from the ceiling in our apartment living room), the ability to paint our walls colors that we find soothing, to put nails in the wall anywhere we please, to turn on our own heat and A/C instead of waiting for the building mgmt to do it. So we work, and I work, and we don't really go on vacations in the grand sense of the word, but overalll, it's labor and sacrifices I'm wiling to make and do to keep our status quo.

But...sometimes our spending starts edging into the middle-middle class, and we had a lot of it this spring. Jim spent way too much on me for our 5th anniversary (still have that spa gift certificate I need to use...), he got a job requiring him to wear suits and ties more often than ever, so off to shopping he went - to Marshall's, and TJ Maxx, and the Macy's and JC Penny sale racks. Got an incredible amount of quality clothes (2 suits - one was Ralph Lauren at Marshalls!, 5-6 dress shirts, 2-3 new ties, and a couple pairs of new trousers) for a few hundred. Then taxes screwed us (my W-4's weren't as well calculated as I thought to compensate for the freelance work I do that is untaxed), and here we are, 3 months into his new job, still feeling like we're living paycheck to paycheck.

Just this morning, I emailed Jim with his friendly monday morning weekly family schedule (because he can't be bothered to look at the big calendar in the kitchen), and mentioned that we should pray for provision for our bills, and self-control to really only spend money on things we need in the moment, as anything else can wait. I'm a firm believer in God providing for His people, especially when we have the faith to trust that he will take care of us. I saw my parents faithfulness growing up, through the lean years, how things always managed to work out. I wrote our monthly tithe check just yesterday at church, knowing full well that that because I wrote that check, I was now going to have to take money out of our savings account to cover the rest of the May bills. But tithing is important, and we should give to God what is his before we give to Ceasar what is Ceasars (there's a reference in the New Testament somewhere as to that passage, but don't ask me what it is).

And what do I find in my work email today, the account with my contractor that I don't check often (vs. the federal one I check constantly)? An email from my supervisor telling me that I've been approved to start charging an additional 5 hours/week to my contract, and am able to bill an additional 5 beyond that if needed without approval for overtime. So yay! This comes to, after taxes, roughly $100 a paycheck more, which is so needed since my paychecks shrunk a few months ago when I re-worked my w-4's so as not to get screwed again when we do our 2009 taxes.

Sure, this option has been on the table for a while, it was bound to get approved one of these days, but the timing couldn't be more obvious, at least to me, that God was saying "Thanks for thinking of me and putting your tithe before your bills. See? I've got your back. It'll all work out."

I'm so strung out with this job, that if they didn't approve the extra hours (it's wierd being salaried and hourly all at the same time...can't ask for a raise, but you can get more hours on your contract...), I was starting to formulate plans in my head as to how I could quit and we could still pay bills. Sure, my etsy shop is finally up and running (http://tinyapple.etsy.com), but there's no way that's going to be a source of income beyond fueling some non-essential purchases (like that 2nd tattoo I've been wanting for a while, or new back yard furniture that isn't the craptastic, starting to fall apart from over use plastic stuff we got at Home Depot when we first moved in). But for now, we're set, we'll cross the next bridge when we get to it. Lord knows we've had enough hurdles to get over before, so long as there's no layoff for Jim in the near future, I think we can handle just about anything.

16 May 2009

Day 22

A new word for the dieters lexicon: Splendenima

One of the pitfalls of going off sugar and carbs combined with a diminishing sense of hope that my hormones were working the right way on their own after 6 months of help from the metformin is overdoing the sugar free chocolate pudding cups. My period is a week "late" (no, not pregnant), and I've been PMS-y for a week and a half now. Headaches, occasional cramps, irritability, and everyone's favorite: Chocolate cravings. I've still been sticking mostly to my food plan, I'd say I'm about 75% on target. I don't snack as much, nor do I crave muchies between meals. I haven't eaten half a bag of hershey's kisses in weeks, nor have I inhaled a baked good at lightening speed in 22 days. But that 19 menstrual cycle last go around seems to have been a fantasy, leading me on like cheap hooker that good things were bound to come and then they didn't. Haven't. I'm on my 3rd day of progesterone to induce a period. Usually I'd wait till at least 6-7 weeks to start the progesterone, but the PMS is so obvious I can't stand the thought of waiting that long. I'm hoping that when it does come, I'll go back to feeling more human again. Just sucks that for a chunk of time every few weeks I'm a wreck, and that that chunk of time could be 2-3 days like it is for many women, I bet, or 2-3 weeks in my case. Sucks sucks sucks.

Guess I'll be calling my friendly neighborhood gyno soon for a visit, especially since I have no more refills left for the progesterone. At the rate I'm going, I'll be taking it for a while longer still.

08 May 2009

Day 12

stupid stupid stupid.

I got on the scale yesterday at the Y. Was feeling good, I've really been making smart choices, not eating bread, sugar, pasta, anything like that. What did I weigh? 2 more pounds than when I weighed myself two weeks ago at the start of all this. Fuck. However, if this month goes like next month, I'll be getting my period this weekend, which would be awesome. So I'm trying to convince myself that these 2lbs are just pre-period bloating/water weight. But it's hard. And if I do get my period this weekend, do I go weigh myself afterwards? Probably shouldn't, but that's going to be hard to. I'm so desparate to see a change, even a little one, that it's going to be hard to restrain myself.

04 May 2009

Day 8

I sucked the cheese off Natalie's macaroni the other day. Then I spit the un-cheesed pasta into the trash. Classy, I tell ya.

Had a piece of pizza last night. Yummy. Now the dang thing is no longer in the freezer staring at me everytime I open the freezer door. And Jim has strict orders to never buy one again, even if it is on a huge sale.

Despite the rain, I have plans to grill up a pack of sirloins I got on sale, some chicken, and some sausage. Then freeze for ready made protein. I'll make a chunky vegetable tomato sauce and put sausage chunks in there. I'll eat as-is, Jim and Natalie can have some pasta with theirs I suppose. Chicken and steak go on salads, but I'm cutting back my spinach intake a smidge, if you know what I mean. Blue cheese dressing was on sale so I'm stocked on that, but am out of goat cheese. Why?! Discovered that a scoop of guacamole on top of veggie chilli is delish. Like putting yougert on top of curried lentils. Mmmm...must get more of those, too.

Big craft fair at friend's school is next weekend... can't believe I have a table and many many things I've made to sell! Kind of exciting and scary all at the same time. I just need to recoup costs, any extra goes to something fun of my choosing, I just don't know what yet. Lots of details HERE. Whee!

30 April 2009

Day 4

Treated myself to a salad from chipolte today for lunch...with STEAK! I cannot get enough red meat it seems. Anyway, it was tasty and satisfying and kept my mind from wandering to the popeye's or arby's which were also on my way home from running errands. The salad was probably a million and a half calories since I said "yes please!" to the sour cream and cheese on top - do I get points for not having any dressing on it? Yeah, didn't think so. Oh well. The only sugar/carbs I've had these days is from cheese, glorious cheese. Going out to dinner with friends tonight and I wouldn't have agreed to it if I didn't know that the choosen restaurant has an awesome goat cheese and tomato salad. Gotta say, my #2's have been something else lately. I really think I've been overdoing the spinach. Oops. Must cut back a little on the leafy greens...
I did step on the scale at the gym yesterday and holy mother of pete, that number was HUGE. Like 2lbs away from the weight I was the day I checked into the hospital to give birth. And I had gained 60lbs with my pregnancy. Nice. Oh well...I figure it can only come down. I'll step on the scale again in either (a) a month or (b) if I notice I have to cinch my belt more to keep my pants up. I'm hoping (b) comes first, because even if there isn't much/any weight loss at that point, at least I'll know I'm heading in the right direction for more wardrobe options!

28 April 2009

Day 2

Forgive me sisters for I have sinned: I had a bite of rice crispie treat at playgroup today. Then I decided to treat myself to a decaf iced coffee so as not to dwell on my error, went home, and ate a pile of chicken salad. Considering there were biscits, donuts, and croissants on top of the rice crispie treats, and the fact that I ate about 4 eggs with spinach and feta with some ham instead and ignored everything else, not too shabby. Still, I shouldn't have had that bite but I'll get over it. It's the only sucrose I've had since sunday. Fructose - minimal, lactose - some.

It's expensive being on a "diet." Not that fresh veggies are all that pricey, it's that I like to top things off with goat cheese and steak. I've been craving red meat lately like nobody's business, I wonder if it's hormonal/menstrual/blood/iron related. Tonight - london broil and spinach salad. Yum. Who needs rice crispie treats when you can have a side of cow for dinner?!

27 April 2009

Today

Today is the day I start the "diet." I hate that word. So many times I've struggled, gone back and forth, for better or worse, but today I'm going hard core. Meals aren't the big issue for me, it's the treats, the snacking, the emotional eating, eating out of frustration, feeling down and like only chocolate will bring me back up, or french fries, or dorittos.

I'm trying not to think about the things I shouldn't eat, but focus instead on my weekly OA meeting next saturday, and how awesome it would be to say I've been abstinant from sugar for the whole week. Or even just a few days leading up to the meeting. That encourages me. Knowing there's that accountability from a room full of people who *know* how hard it is, even before you throw in the PCOS and hormones and shit. I've got plenty of handwork to keep me busy during those tricky evening hours (nothing makes me happier than being parked in front of the TV with sewing - I can't just watch TV - ok, maybe I could sit and watch the Office b/c I'd be laughing my ass off the whole time - I have to have something to do or I get antsy and go eat or come on the computer and google old boyfriends or something equally appauling) where snacking is so easy to do without thinking.

With the new found upswing in hormones (I'm on day 16 of my cycle and dare I say - I think I OVULATED this weekend!!), I'm finding a new sort of optimism. I dug out some old pics from college, trying to find the ones of this guy...that's a whole 'nother story...and I saw how happy and SKINNY I was. And you know what? It didn't piss me off - it made me thing "sure, I could be that thin again!" Ok, realistically? Could I ever look like my 22 year old pre-baby self again? Maybe not. But throw 20lbs on that girl and I'd be THRILLED. I look forward to the end of the summer and going back to nursery school and maybe being 20lbs less and having people notice. How cool would that be? To go shopping in my own closet for clothes I haven't worn in an ice age. These things are making me excited, so strange, since they've always made me depressed.

So we're going to run with it. I did some groccery shopping last week, will make a quick run this morning for a few more things, and there you have it. I've got ideas lined up for salads with grilled chicken, grilled steak, grilled vegetables, treating myself to a log of goat cheese to put on salads (my favorite!), homemade guacamole for dipping veggies in for snacking, peanuts to snack on too, and maybe I'll even make myself some sugar free chocolate peanut brittle for a treat. But later in the week when I can use the stove again b/c we're currently in an April heatwave and it's to damn HOT out to heat up the kitchen. But this is good. I'm confident for the first time in forever that I can actually do this.

19 April 2009

Even crazier still...

As if getting my period in 29 days wasn't the nuttiest thing to happen to me in a while, the fact that my period WENT AWAY in 5 days ALL BY ITSELF is equally shocking. I'm completely gobsmacked by this new event in my life, and what's totally wacky, is the fact that I have felt GOOD this week. I can't tell you the last time I could say that. Sure, there were moments when I wanted to hang my toddler out the window by her toenails (or her father for that matter), but over all, I felt GOOD.

For someone who's been dealing with depression now for 3ish years, having a week like this is a little un-nerving. Like somethings wrong and everything is going to go back to the normal you've been struggling to accept for some time. But I hope not. I feel optimistic, something I only barely want to admit because it feels so wrong. It's truly unbelieveable. I had to refrain from updating my facebook profile but decided those classmates I haven't spoken to since high school graduation didn't need to know the gory details. I did share the good news with my girl friends at brunch on saturday, so to the tables that were sitting around us, I'm sorry you had to hear about a strange woman's menstrual cycles. But then again, you also had to hear about poop and vomit, so it all depends on what you feel is worse brunch conversation. Throw in the breastfeeding that was going on and the hysterical laughter we were engaging in and I'm sure we pissed off at least one person in the restaurant. Who fucking cares. It was awesome, and I feel good. The rest of the world can just deal.

14 April 2009

Bizzarro

So the craziest thing happened the other day: I got my period on day 29 of my cycle. And it would not be an exaguration to say that I think this is the FIRST TIME EVER I've gotten my period in a "normal" amount of time. The closest I've come to this before is a period that came every 5-7ish weeks, starting and stopping a few days later on its own, and repeating for a little over a year. That was close to 9 years ago. I have my fingers crossed that my period will now stop on its own, but for now, I'm simply in shock as to have gotten my period at all without help. Well, not entirely without help. I've been on metformin for almost 6 months now. I remember reading somewhere that it could take up to 6 months to be fully effective in your system. Well, I guess that is the truth in my situation. I almost can't believe it's true!! For once, something is working. PCOS be damned, I will get my body back where I want it.

In other news, I have a new blog, devoted to sewing and all things crafty. That one will be written so that my mom and husband could read it, unlike this one. Heh heh heh :)
Come visit!

06 April 2009

Vindication

Nothing like getting a gift certificate for three sessions with a personal trainer for a valentine's day gift. Sure, some would enjoy this. I saw it as a dig. I work out as often as I can (which sadly isn't as often as I'd like, but it's still in the 4+ days a week range which isn't too shabby and I've learned not to beat myself up for the days when I don't make it out to do anything). I'm an ex-swimmer and ex-rower who has been athletic and active my whole life. I just also have this horrid combination of shit in my life making it miserably hard to lose weight - PCOS, thyorid, depression, a needy toddler, and a schmuck of a husband who thinks personal training sessions are a good idea to give someone who is in my current state. Regardless, my PT also has PCOS, and while she's the wellness director at the Y and doesn't usually do PT, she took me on because she understands where I am. So much to Jim's chagrin, we're not coming up with some grand weightloss plan, or doing massive amounts of cardio on top of weights. No, she decided to come up with a bunch of different circuts of 3-4 exercizes each that I can then walk away with after our three sessions and do on my own (it'll be like 3 circuts for legs, 3 for upperbody, and 3 for ans/core), mix'n'match, do at home even since they are more resistance based and not on machines. Something to shake it up a little and switch up my routine.

As we've been working together twice now, she asked on friday if I'd ever consider teaching classes, since my form is so good and I obviously know what I'm doing. A compliment if I ever heard one from someone who is in the wellness profession to someone who is a giant blob right now. Apparently there is more muscle underneath the fat than I thought since I'm doing pretty well with these work outs and she's pushing me more than she expected she would.

So take that, Jim. You think I need a personal trainer and the personal trainer thinks I should consider doing training myself. Ha! I wish he could come to my last session next week with me...he wouldn't be able to walk afterwards...especially if we do those lunge walks with the medicine ball again...my ass is still feeling it three days later...but in a good way!

30 March 2009

New Week

Starting off the week without a toddler isn't too bad. I post this while taking a break from work...If I stare at the damn spreadsheet any longer my eyes are going to cross. Natalie is playing at a friend's house from school. I'm paying her mother with a big bottle of gin for the favor. She's probably goint to take Natalie for me for a few monday's untill I get something more permanat figured out. A friend and I may do a nanny share on fridays. Having been a nanny in a past life, I find that wierd, but then again, I don't think my 22 year old self could have imagined life like it is now - swamped with work, dealing with a schmuck of a husband, depression, and a three year old thrown in for fun. Having a nanny once a week for 6-8 hours will be HEAVEN. Besides getting a leg up on work, I might actually start cleaning my house with regularity. Imagine! What luxury! There's something about knowing there is a block of time ahead where you will not be the one responsible for your child that is so freeing...I think of all the closests I can clean out, the junk I can put on ebay or craigslist or freecycle to get rid of...And the tax write off! In doing taxes this year, I had no idea you could write off child care if it was performed for you while doing work!!

So much on my mind, but right now, I need to get back to work so I can swing by the groccery before picking Natalie up. Imagine, groccery shopping alone for a change - I bet I can be in and out of there in 10 minutes! Whee!

27 March 2009

Back

Vacation is done with. It was fun while it lasted, but by the end, I was so ready to come home. The drive wasn't too bad, we did it in a little over six hours with stops, which is about my limit I think. Fortunately there was scenery much of the way and evenly spaced urban areas to break up the trip, and Natalie was a total peach in the car. A few new car toys definitely helped.

I'm totally fried this week. I don't know what's up. Actually, I do. It's a combination of things: Spending all day with a three year old, not getting to hang with my friends at playgroup, a three year old with mood swings and attitude, my friend's two-month old being hospitalized, the looming cloud of depression and the rising storm that will be marriage counseling next week, mountains of laundry, a house that seems to get messier the more I try and pick it up, and a job that I hate that is kicking my ass with nit-picky requests and complaints and things that I can't actually do anything about except go to my POC's once again and pass along the requests.*


Functioning at a minimum level...I was hoping to use my afternoon with the babysitter here (her one day this week) to clean my desk and the office and sort through some piles. A cup of coffee, some good music, no interruptions, and the satisfaction of running things through the shredder or filling up a trash bag would leave me in a better frame of mind. Except that I actually have work that came up that I need to do. Freelance work, not my "job" work, but still. Argh. I came to the conclusion last night that as nice as it is to have the security of a part time job and the salary that goes with it, We need to figure out a way for me to not have that job at all. Either push my photography or etsy ambitions** (still haven't opened that etsy shop I've been talking about for a year now - but am doing a table at my friend's Waldorf school spring craft fair), plus up the freelancing, and just can the salary job all together.


Anyway, something has to be done. I just can't go one like this.


* I hear that if I worked at an ad agency, my job title would be "traffic manager" or something to that effect. I'm the conduit between our HQ and 9 regional offices and the gov print shop. I have a POC there who then passes out the work orders I send their way to the appropriate people, along with a budget manager who handles our account and warehouse people. So it's me and my POC who talk constantly (and why I can do my job from home, since he's in OKC and I'm in DC). Except he just left on a 6 month detail last week. Happy for him as a friend, bummed as I feel like I was left high and dry. And the two people who were going to be helping me in his absense? Both left to go on training this week.


** we rent our basement walk-out apartment - current tennant is a sweetheart, she's in med school with the Air Force. They do rotations by sending you for 6-8 weeks at a time to different military hospitals around the country. So we're like an expensive storage unit for her, with someone to watch her stuff, drive her car once a week so it doesn't die, and pick up her mail. Plus we know that our rent is like half her housing allowance, so it works out well for everyone. While she's gone, her living room is turning into my SEWING ROOM. I can't wait. She leaves this weekend for almost 6 MONTHS. Three rotations, she said she'll be back for a week in June, and maybe a few weeks in August, but mostly gone till the Fall. Granted she'll be spending part of her summer in Hawaii, so there are perks to her situation, but still, can't imagine being gone from home for 6 months and living out of a suitcase.

12 March 2009

Break

Am tired, overwhelmed, and going on vacation next week. If you can call it a vacation since there will be 8 adults and 5 kids sharing a house at the beach in North Carolina. All members of Jim's family. Many of whom are great, some of whom drive me up a wall. Still, it's a change of scenery, a chance to let other people care for Natalie (like cousins), I have a book or six, my anti-anxiety meds, and we are 600ft from the beach. Guess where I will be spending much of my time? They may have to drag me from the beach each night kicking and screaming. Although there might be enough bedrooms that I could have my own. At worst, they all have king sized beds, so Jim can be a mile away.

Still haven't figured out a way to tell Jim we ARE going to marriage counseling. Never seems to be the right time, and now we're headed into vacation week with HIS family. Great. Hard to put on a happy face when you are married to someone emotionally and verbally abusive. There. Said it. It sucks.

I'll be back.

23 February 2009

Proof of nerdiness

I just bought a ruffler! Regularly $69, on sale for $19. NINETEEN DOLLARS! I'm so psyched. If you don't know what a ruffler is, it's this crazy looking contraption that goes on your sewing machine in place of a presser foot that does even gathers or pleats or whatever...you can set the amount of bunching/pleating, it's so exciting I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I have a feeling everything this spring is going to have RUFFLES!

18 February 2009

Peace

My body and soul feel so much more peaceful right now. Content isn't the right word, I'm still itching for change...furniture, hair color, kitchen, scenery...but that itch isn't all consuming. It's just a small mosquito bite compared to the all over rash I had when Jim was out of work. There's a lot to do, there's a lot I'd like to change, but it will come when it comes. In the meantime, it's me, Natalie, and that's it. We don't have to wait for daddy to do anything during the day. For example, if I need to go to the groccery, I just go. None of this asking if he needs/wants anything, finding out he'd like to go with, then waiting half an hour for what he said was "just a sec." No more, we just go. That half hour would be torture, if I knew it would be half an hour, Natalie and I could sit down with a stack of books and be ready when he is in no time. Instead we end up hovering, she starts to make messes, I try and discourage b/c I think we're seconds away from walking out the door, I hated it. I started hating Jim for it too. Now I fully feel like my time is my own, and the only one who is going to hinder my time table during the day is 3 years old and doesn't really understand. In contrast to her father who is 44 years old and should at least have a clue, which he doesn't.

I also don't have Jim breathing over my shoulder all day...I don't function well like that. In the office, I was content to be left alone with my work and not talk to a human if at all possible. Makes sense that I work really well from home. I like the solitude. Again, we're back to hovering. Hovering over my shoulder while I work, asking when I'll be done. Hovering around while I'm trying to get things done, wondering when I'm going to do X, Y, or Z. Wanting to know when I'm going to fit a trip A, B, or C into my day and not being content with "I don't know yet." My time is my own, and I'm not accountable to anyone. The kitchen will be clean, the laundry folded, and dinner ready when you come home from work, Jim.

He doesn't do well with process, so having him around during the day when all those things were in process drove him, and consequently me, nuts. He can't handle a messy kitchen, yet won't lift a finger to clean anything that wasn't a mess he made...carps about putting things in the dishwasher yet feels cereal bowls need to sit and soak. So what if getting Natalie transitioned from lunch to an activity in a smooth maner is more important to me than putting our lunch dishes away. He doesn't understand that and no longer do I have to answer to his complaints. I don't care if piles of dirty laundry are left on the bedroom floor all day as I one at a time take them to the washer. So what. Not to mention we sort laundry differently. He's way more picky than me. But when he comes home to a whole mixed up basket of his laundry where he doesn't know what was washed with what? He's fine.

Yikes. Jim really is high maintenance. Or maybe I actually agree with my mother-in-law some and Jim needs a little anti-anxiety meds. Or maybe he just needs some time to settle in to the new job, get a few paychecks under his belt, and be able to shift his own priorities from controlling me to doing his job. We'll see. I've got the marriage counselor on speed dial if crossing my fingers doesn't work.

11 February 2009

GOOD NEWS!

WE ARE NO LONGER THE HOUSE OF THE UNEMPLOYED!!!

Jim starts on tuesday after the presidents day holiday, my house will be my own again, natalie and I can get back into an uninteruppted routine, we can start putting our lives back together, and the weight that I've been carrying around for four and a half months is lifted.

Whew.

Better soon

Today - Mother in law flies home to Texas.
Tomorrow - appt with therapist.
Yesterday - almost lost it
Recently - have wanted to bonk sister-in-law upside the head for trying to put sugar on asparagus and other various sins.

Today - high of 69! In February! Before Jim takes mother-in-law to the airport, we're going to hit the local deli for sandwiches and iced tea and having a picnic at the park. What they don't know is that I'm also going to call a few mommy friends and tell them what we're doing and at what time and dontcha know, what a coincidence if they just *happen* to be there too. Yay!

05 February 2009

Crazy

Mother-in-law visiting. Losing mind. Woman has a heart of gold but man, she's a piece of work. If I have to hear her complain about a migraine one more time, I may shoot myself. Not that I don't have sympathy for migraine sufferers, but when you have a list of triggers in your wallet that your doctor gave you, that you talk about all the time, but blatently IGNORE, then my sympathy dwindles every time. Like complaining about a migraine you think was caused by the "triptophan in the pizza" you ate at the mall, after refusing my requests to fix you a sandwich, heat up some soup, microwave some leftover veggie chilli, yougert, granola bar, fruit, make you a salad, etc. Hmm. Whatever. Not my problem to fix, it's just hard to ignore when it's someone in your house All Day Long, complaining.

Deep breaths, I will survive.

29 January 2009

Full

My head is swimming these days. between toddler wrangling and unemployed husband wrangling, I'm losing sight of which way is up. I feel soley responsible for keeping this family together and the stress of that is really beating me down. Not to mention I'm the breadwinner right now, a role I never wanted to have. Damn me and my sensibleness in keeping a steady paycheck coming from the same source for over seven years now. It's served us well twice now when we've needed me to take command. Still, finances are thin. We've used up the severence and I had to dip into savings. Sure, we could spend less. That's hard. Harder for Jim than me. Hard for me when I find myself shopping in an effort to keep from eating. If we could both just put the kibbosh on anything that isn't (a) food (b) gas or (c) job interview related, we'd be much closer to fine. I feel so stuck in a rut right now, my therapist help me understand things right now - I've been having intense nesting urges. I'm not pregnant, but I've spent way too much time with the Ikea catalogue and tape measure, working out how to fit this here, and move that there, and replace the cheap crappy shelves with the more sturdy and solid ones, and if we had this cabinet then that stuff could get out of the hall closet and the hall closet could actually be used as a closet. Why I've been planning all these things out in my head, I don't know. Therapist pointed out that I'm probably craving change that bad. I want my husband to get a job and not be home all do, but since I can't give him the job, maybe I can change my surroundings. It's so bad, me and my 790+ credit score were considering opening an Ikea credit card so I could make all these purchases. Now that's bad.

Doesn't help that our 5 year anniversary is coming up. Blah. I don't really care. I don't feel like I have a husband right now, I have a roommate. Someone I argue with about chores and am stuck being around all the time. I realized today too that I want him to go to work so I can look forward to seeing him at the end of the day, instead of wanting to get rid of him at the end of the day. "Familiarity breads contempt" is the moral of this post. I need some absense to make my heart grow fonder.

23 January 2009

22 January 2009

Finally

We had a solid week+ of wicked cold weather here, making it kind of hard to spray paint. But today, the sun was out, it hit 40, and tomorrow is supposed to be even nicer, so I can finish up. Suffice it to say, the dollhouse is done, save the doors, which have been primed, but need their top coat, then the whole thing gets another go of clear coat and we're golden. The doors will be green like the roof. Not to shabby, and much cheerier than the circa 1990s version we started with. All for about $40 in supplies. And $40 in additional dollhouse furniture (no bathroom! we had to fix that), but $30 of that is going to be birthday presents from her cousins. So $50 total. And a lot of nights staying up late painting and inhaling fumes, but I wouldn't trade it. It was fun and to see the joy on Natalie's face when she gets this (either for pooping on the potty or her birthday, which ever comes first) is going to be fantastic. I'm also fantasizing about the hours of quiet there will be in our house while she plays with it.

20 January 2009

Birthday

Today I turned 31. Two million people were out on the mall downtown, celebrating me. Not really. A lot of people were in my living room watching the inauguration from the warmth of the indoor heating and plumbing (3,500 port-o-potties!). Toddlers ran amok in the back, adults were mesmerized, babies transfixed. Ice cream cake was eaten (my only yearly request), naps were taken, and I got to go get a haircut and do some shopping (Anne Taylor Loft = HUGE SALES. Velvet trousers = $3.66 I'M NOT KIDDING!). Hair looked faboo and off to a lovely, leisurely dinner with Jim and no toddler. All in all, a good day, and obviously not just for me.

11 January 2009

Update

So...I did end up scraping everything off the roof. Scraping isn't the right word, since it peeled right off, which I must say was rather theraputic. Fortunately, friday was sunny, and knowing saturday was going to be wet again, I was able to tape off, prime, and put a first coat of paint on the roof. I got a second coat on there today and I must say, what was I thinking. I should have just spray painted from the start. I've used the plastic spray paint before, and it rocks. I did get a flat clear coat to go over the whole thing when I'm done, so I'm hoping it will have a less plasticy look. Should take a picture. Will work on it more tonight. Should be doing real work that people are paying me for, but alas, this is more fun.

09 January 2009

Up to trouble

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then I qualify. So do toddlers, so maybe that definition isn't the best.

Natalie got a hand-me-down doll house a while ago. It's a Fisher-Price "Loving Family" dollhouse circa 1993. I kind of hate it but it was FREE. She hasn't seen it yet, as it is going to be her surprise when she gets to the end of her potty chart (one sticker each time she uses the toilet. It's not working but we're so far into it I don't think we can change the rules. But that's another blog post). It is all pale pink, pale teal, and light blue. Hideous. Got lots of people and furniture with it. I decided to buy some paint pens and color them in. That was all well and good and made everything look substantially less ugly. Then I looked at the house. Can't put bright and cheery accessories in this sad dated old house, so I decided to paint it too. Problem: Cursed Plastic. I was able to pop out all the window frames. Great. Those can be spray painted, or at least spray primed. The roof however, in all it's light teal vomit inducing splendor was another story. I contemplated taping it off and spray painting it, but there are so many little nooks and crevices that it would be tricky. So I bought some craft paint. It didn't say it didn't paint on plastic, so I gave it a go. Scrapes off. Have coated it once with clear acrylic. That scrapes off too, but you have to work a little harder. I primed the windows and have painted them with one coat of craft paint. So far so good, but we'll see when they are all dry. I then realized that I only primed the outside of the windows, forgetting that you'll see the inside of them when the dollhouse is open. Oops. Am debating what to do. Damn it if it isn't January with more wet weather in our forecast. Makes spray painting tricky. I'm thinking of scraping everything off the roof (which is a lovely forest/olive green) and going with plan A (Taping off all cracks and crevices and painting the roof). Then spraying over what I painted with the windows with the right shade of paint for inside and out. Or screwing the entire thing all together, scraping off the paint that isn't going to stick, and painting the whole fucking thing inside and out white. Crisp clean white. It'll be like a modernist sculpture or something.

I couldn't have just left it the way it is. Natalie doesn't care. She's going to be thrilled pantsless to see it, especially as we're going to move an old end table into her room so she can play with it on there. Have I mentioned I got scrapbooking paper (That's another kind of crack I'm so glad I haven't gotten into...) to use with modpodge for wall paper and flooring? This dollhouse has turned into a beast. I understand now why the dollhouse I had (and didn't really play with, I think because I was older when my parents gave it to me and I was more into decorating it than pretending with it), which is wooden and my dad put together, is not allowed out of my parents house. After the amount of work and time I'm putting into this thing, I might not be able to bring myself to allow Natalie to play with it.

02 January 2009

Happy Belated New Year!

My resolutions:

1) 12 months, 12 steps - really try to get this OA stuff to stick

2) fit into at least one pair of pre-Natalie pants by next New Years

3) cook more with less meat (should be easy, I only cook carniverously about half the time anyway)

4) finally open my etsy.com shop

5) paint more

6) not lose any more of my sanity than I've already lost

7) come up with more ways to make money on my own doing things I love

8) perfect my Adobe skills

9) learn to see the good in Natalie even when she's making me want to rip my hair out

10) go on vacation with Jim someplace that doesn't involve family



I think these are all pretty realistic. New years was totally uneventful, my parents had come out for the day to do Christmas presents and the like with us. Took them out to lunch (they paid, but we picked the restaurant) at Lebanese Taverna. My parents really do hit the stereotype of suburban fuddy-duddy's stuck in their ways. If it was up to them, we would have been at Ruby Tuesdays (although I must say they have a kick-ass turkey burger). Instead, we instroduced them to shwarma, hummus, tabouleh, falaffal, and other yummies. Dad is ready to go back and try more, mom, I think she just tolerated it.

We do have a date to look forward to, tonight we're going to dinner and a movie. Or a movie then dinner is the more accurate description. There are birthdays coming up and new babies just born that need cuddling and lots of newness and fresh-starts going on. I need to ride that wave and make changes in my life, and just keep praying with all my might that Jim gets a job soon before I crash.