29 January 2009


My head is swimming these days. between toddler wrangling and unemployed husband wrangling, I'm losing sight of which way is up. I feel soley responsible for keeping this family together and the stress of that is really beating me down. Not to mention I'm the breadwinner right now, a role I never wanted to have. Damn me and my sensibleness in keeping a steady paycheck coming from the same source for over seven years now. It's served us well twice now when we've needed me to take command. Still, finances are thin. We've used up the severence and I had to dip into savings. Sure, we could spend less. That's hard. Harder for Jim than me. Hard for me when I find myself shopping in an effort to keep from eating. If we could both just put the kibbosh on anything that isn't (a) food (b) gas or (c) job interview related, we'd be much closer to fine. I feel so stuck in a rut right now, my therapist help me understand things right now - I've been having intense nesting urges. I'm not pregnant, but I've spent way too much time with the Ikea catalogue and tape measure, working out how to fit this here, and move that there, and replace the cheap crappy shelves with the more sturdy and solid ones, and if we had this cabinet then that stuff could get out of the hall closet and the hall closet could actually be used as a closet. Why I've been planning all these things out in my head, I don't know. Therapist pointed out that I'm probably craving change that bad. I want my husband to get a job and not be home all do, but since I can't give him the job, maybe I can change my surroundings. It's so bad, me and my 790+ credit score were considering opening an Ikea credit card so I could make all these purchases. Now that's bad.

Doesn't help that our 5 year anniversary is coming up. Blah. I don't really care. I don't feel like I have a husband right now, I have a roommate. Someone I argue with about chores and am stuck being around all the time. I realized today too that I want him to go to work so I can look forward to seeing him at the end of the day, instead of wanting to get rid of him at the end of the day. "Familiarity breads contempt" is the moral of this post. I need some absense to make my heart grow fonder.

23 January 2009

22 January 2009


We had a solid week+ of wicked cold weather here, making it kind of hard to spray paint. But today, the sun was out, it hit 40, and tomorrow is supposed to be even nicer, so I can finish up. Suffice it to say, the dollhouse is done, save the doors, which have been primed, but need their top coat, then the whole thing gets another go of clear coat and we're golden. The doors will be green like the roof. Not to shabby, and much cheerier than the circa 1990s version we started with. All for about $40 in supplies. And $40 in additional dollhouse furniture (no bathroom! we had to fix that), but $30 of that is going to be birthday presents from her cousins. So $50 total. And a lot of nights staying up late painting and inhaling fumes, but I wouldn't trade it. It was fun and to see the joy on Natalie's face when she gets this (either for pooping on the potty or her birthday, which ever comes first) is going to be fantastic. I'm also fantasizing about the hours of quiet there will be in our house while she plays with it.

20 January 2009


Today I turned 31. Two million people were out on the mall downtown, celebrating me. Not really. A lot of people were in my living room watching the inauguration from the warmth of the indoor heating and plumbing (3,500 port-o-potties!). Toddlers ran amok in the back, adults were mesmerized, babies transfixed. Ice cream cake was eaten (my only yearly request), naps were taken, and I got to go get a haircut and do some shopping (Anne Taylor Loft = HUGE SALES. Velvet trousers = $3.66 I'M NOT KIDDING!). Hair looked faboo and off to a lovely, leisurely dinner with Jim and no toddler. All in all, a good day, and obviously not just for me.

11 January 2009


So...I did end up scraping everything off the roof. Scraping isn't the right word, since it peeled right off, which I must say was rather theraputic. Fortunately, friday was sunny, and knowing saturday was going to be wet again, I was able to tape off, prime, and put a first coat of paint on the roof. I got a second coat on there today and I must say, what was I thinking. I should have just spray painted from the start. I've used the plastic spray paint before, and it rocks. I did get a flat clear coat to go over the whole thing when I'm done, so I'm hoping it will have a less plasticy look. Should take a picture. Will work on it more tonight. Should be doing real work that people are paying me for, but alas, this is more fun.

09 January 2009

Up to trouble

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then I qualify. So do toddlers, so maybe that definition isn't the best.

Natalie got a hand-me-down doll house a while ago. It's a Fisher-Price "Loving Family" dollhouse circa 1993. I kind of hate it but it was FREE. She hasn't seen it yet, as it is going to be her surprise when she gets to the end of her potty chart (one sticker each time she uses the toilet. It's not working but we're so far into it I don't think we can change the rules. But that's another blog post). It is all pale pink, pale teal, and light blue. Hideous. Got lots of people and furniture with it. I decided to buy some paint pens and color them in. That was all well and good and made everything look substantially less ugly. Then I looked at the house. Can't put bright and cheery accessories in this sad dated old house, so I decided to paint it too. Problem: Cursed Plastic. I was able to pop out all the window frames. Great. Those can be spray painted, or at least spray primed. The roof however, in all it's light teal vomit inducing splendor was another story. I contemplated taping it off and spray painting it, but there are so many little nooks and crevices that it would be tricky. So I bought some craft paint. It didn't say it didn't paint on plastic, so I gave it a go. Scrapes off. Have coated it once with clear acrylic. That scrapes off too, but you have to work a little harder. I primed the windows and have painted them with one coat of craft paint. So far so good, but we'll see when they are all dry. I then realized that I only primed the outside of the windows, forgetting that you'll see the inside of them when the dollhouse is open. Oops. Am debating what to do. Damn it if it isn't January with more wet weather in our forecast. Makes spray painting tricky. I'm thinking of scraping everything off the roof (which is a lovely forest/olive green) and going with plan A (Taping off all cracks and crevices and painting the roof). Then spraying over what I painted with the windows with the right shade of paint for inside and out. Or screwing the entire thing all together, scraping off the paint that isn't going to stick, and painting the whole fucking thing inside and out white. Crisp clean white. It'll be like a modernist sculpture or something.

I couldn't have just left it the way it is. Natalie doesn't care. She's going to be thrilled pantsless to see it, especially as we're going to move an old end table into her room so she can play with it on there. Have I mentioned I got scrapbooking paper (That's another kind of crack I'm so glad I haven't gotten into...) to use with modpodge for wall paper and flooring? This dollhouse has turned into a beast. I understand now why the dollhouse I had (and didn't really play with, I think because I was older when my parents gave it to me and I was more into decorating it than pretending with it), which is wooden and my dad put together, is not allowed out of my parents house. After the amount of work and time I'm putting into this thing, I might not be able to bring myself to allow Natalie to play with it.

02 January 2009

Happy Belated New Year!

My resolutions:

1) 12 months, 12 steps - really try to get this OA stuff to stick

2) fit into at least one pair of pre-Natalie pants by next New Years

3) cook more with less meat (should be easy, I only cook carniverously about half the time anyway)

4) finally open my etsy.com shop

5) paint more

6) not lose any more of my sanity than I've already lost

7) come up with more ways to make money on my own doing things I love

8) perfect my Adobe skills

9) learn to see the good in Natalie even when she's making me want to rip my hair out

10) go on vacation with Jim someplace that doesn't involve family

I think these are all pretty realistic. New years was totally uneventful, my parents had come out for the day to do Christmas presents and the like with us. Took them out to lunch (they paid, but we picked the restaurant) at Lebanese Taverna. My parents really do hit the stereotype of suburban fuddy-duddy's stuck in their ways. If it was up to them, we would have been at Ruby Tuesdays (although I must say they have a kick-ass turkey burger). Instead, we instroduced them to shwarma, hummus, tabouleh, falaffal, and other yummies. Dad is ready to go back and try more, mom, I think she just tolerated it.

We do have a date to look forward to, tonight we're going to dinner and a movie. Or a movie then dinner is the more accurate description. There are birthdays coming up and new babies just born that need cuddling and lots of newness and fresh-starts going on. I need to ride that wave and make changes in my life, and just keep praying with all my might that Jim gets a job soon before I crash.