01 June 2009

Three options

Door #1 - Go back on birth control.
Pros: Regular periods!
Cons: It's only a matter of time before we want to conceive again and I have to go off, not to mention my tolerance for any one prescription that seems to be almost exactly two years for the side effects to overtake the pleasure of hormones that work like a fine swiss watch. Feels like surrendering to fate, waving the white flag and saying "fine."

Door #2 - Clomid!
Pros: We'd probably get another baby real soon!
Cons: I've heard two of the biggest side effects are anxiety and irritability, two things I have too much of to start. And there's the whole convincing the husband to be decisive about the when and how we want to have another child. Feels like a big step. A HUGE step.

Door #3 - Provera! Plus ovulation tests and basel body temperature tracking.
Pros: Ability to control my period by inducing one whenever the fuck I want it. Also don't have to commit to a kid at this moment. Maybe a 2nd conception will just happen spontaneously. Like it did with Natalie.
Cons: Cramps, and that constant unknowning of will or or will I not get my period on my own? Am I even ovulating? Why does the PMS kick in on time by the rest of me doesn't work? Not to mention ovulation testing kits are expensive, and the last time I charted my temp Jim got pissed off hearing the beep of my thermometer every morning. And then he got pissed when I switched to a traditional thermometer and had to crack the curtain open to get enough light to read it.

So. I'm back where I started. But I had a good chat with my doctor (sometimes I think we'd be good friends if we just met randomly at the park with our kids), she made lots and lots of notes in my chart, and we're just going to let things be for a while now. It did feel good hearing from a medical professional that yes, what I'm dealing with sucks. Validation isn't so terrible in the end.

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