12 August 2009

Fat

Ugh, I wish I could post the picture from a bbq this past weekend that a friend took. HORRID. I'm a giant fat turd. That being said, I may finally be convinced I need to start wearing a smidge of makeup when going out, you know, to hide the giant bags under my eyes and at least give my face some features to stand out amongst all that FAT. Ew. What's hard is that I don't feel as huge as I look in pictures. Does the camera add 20lbs? Or 50?

The good news is I think this is the catalyst I need to go back to no-sugar. I did awesome this spring for 6-8 weeks, It started out easy and got harder but I stuck to it. Frustrating as everyone says cutting sugar is hard at first but then gets easier. Hm. Anyway, I was feeling all proud of myself and stepped on the scale and BAM, up two pounds. Depressed, I went home and ate my feelings for a week before seeing my doctor and on her scale, I had lost a pound from the week before. What the fuckity fuck is up with that. But, I know in the long run, sugar is my downfall. I also need to get back to OA meetings, although I'm much more aware of my eating compulsions and am better at cutting those out. Still. I hate the struggle, I hate looking in the mirror and thinking "ok, I'm looking not too terrible" and then to see pictures that make me look just the opposite. Which is why I don't let people take pictures of me for a reason. Probably why I like being on the other side of the camera.

1 comment:

Mendie said...

Good luck...you did it before so you can do it again Katie! It's hard seeing pictures and not seeing the real you in them! Believe me...I still have trouble looking at some, that's what keeps me going! Knowing the real me is getting closer to being photographed!!!