Sometimes I truly ache for another child. I've been thinking a lot about adoption lately, the thought of taking a child out of a confusing, hopeless, depressing situation (read: orphanage in an underdeveloped country) and giving that little one love, trust, a family, an education, and the chance to become someone instead of being one of the forgotten and overlooked. I hate that it's so paper-work focused and red-tape oriented to adopt a child, especially internationally. Stories of people waiting years before things come together - through multiple times when finger prints or reports had to be re-done becuase they had expired yet again during all the waiting. I'm frustrated that two dumb as rocks idiots hooking up in the back of a car can make a baby, yet it takes wonderful caring people such anguish to adopt.
As Christians, we're called to take care of the widows and orphans. A family at our church were struck upside the head with that when they went abroad to help at a Romanian orphanage's summer camp for the children. A few months later, Jack was home with them. Born with arms that end of at the elbows, he was abandoned by his mother and had spent the first 4 years of his life in that orphanage, probably to spend many more there if it wasn't for this family. He's the sweetest kid, picking up english so quickly, and with a face that's full of joy and love. I want to be able to give that to a kid who wouldn't get it.
However, I can't even get a husband to say "yes, let's try for #2" - instead I go on the fact that he seems to have forgotten I'm not on the pill. Haven't been for a year now. Conceiving Natalie was a miracle, if it's meant to happen again, it will. I don't see us ever adopting; besides getting Jim to agree to something that intensive (commitment is NOT a forte of his), I don't know where we'd get the thousands of dollars in fees to pay for it. We can't even afford to fix our bathroom with it's slowly failing plumbing, rotting vanity and cracked sink, let alone adopt a baby. I guess I need to keep praying for peace, for God's will to be done. For a baby to come into our lives, or not. For me to be accepting of that and not have those twangs of longing every time I see an infant. If we're only meant to have one kid, we got a pretty damn good one.