14 December 2009

Drama

I wish there wasn't so much drama in my life, but there is, and I don't always know how to deal or what the right reaction is. Seems like I get worked up about the little things but try to gloss over the big things. Like the fact that there's a golf ball sized cyst on my right ovary. We went in there at my annual exam to check on my fibroid (which hasn't grown in a year so we're going to ignore it for now) and BAM! Had to find something else. There's a variety of reasons for having a cyst in there, and my doctor isn't too worried (it wasn't super dense, just fluid filled, so no biopsy for now). But given my propensity not to ovulate and the fact that this one is larger than your average about-to-have-a-period cysts that happen all the time...I'm a little worried. I do feel pain there, but on a scale of 1 to 10 we're talking a 1, if that. It's more like a slight cramp that comes and goes. I've been chalking it up to my wacky reproductive system as a whole. So...I have to keep a journal of when I feel pain on that side (4 out of the past 6 days) and see if I get my period on my own. It's been 42 days. I've been taking progesterone on days 22-27 to induce a period, but skipped this month since I was going in for my check-up. We'll keep an eye on the pain befure, during, and after a period. So, yeah. I'm trying not to think about this one till the new year when we have some data behind us.

In good news, we have more ammo for the PCOS diagnosis - clear as day in black and white: I do not make near enough progesterone during the luteal phase of my "cycle." Not surprising, but nice to have it in writing now. Also, I do not produce enough seratonin. SERATONIN, people! The chemical that effects MOOD? No wonder I've been in such a plateau of depression! Plus a number of other vitamins/minerals/hormones that I'm off on all effect fatigue and anxiety. None are hugely off like the seratonin, but in concert together it adds up to one fucked up little body of mine. So we're playing with vitamins/supplements to boost seratonin production and other neuro-conectors and things should be running more smoothly soon. I hope.

I also hope that since I'm an emotional eater, and my emotions will soon be on the upswing, I'll be able to to get a better grip on that emotional eating. I was up 15lbs from the last time I stepped on the scale a few months ago, which is troubling, and confusing. Confusing because I don't know where that weight is - I've been wearing the same jeans for ages now. It's not like I wear sweats around the house. Wondering if I have a hollow leg or something. Anyway, I'm cautiously optomistic and plan on kicking the eating plan into high gear after the holidays. Sure, sure, the rest of your life starts now and all that shit. I'm trying out some new recipes, have cookies to bake, and a huge family dinner to look forward to on Christmas :)

08 December 2009

Long time no blog

Busy doesn't even begin to describe life these days.

One aspect of the insanity is that I've officially started my own photography business. I am a no-nonsense portrait and event photography that is AFFORDABLE (this is DC and I hope to someday be able to charge DC rates if you get what I mean) as I build my portfolio. I've done two family holiday picture session that went over like gangbusters and am booked for a friend of a friend's wedding in May. Casual outdoor affair with 100 people - just my style. So far I have two happy clients and word is getting around.

Let's rewind a little bit...2 years ago, TWO YEARS AGO, my sweet darling husband bought a $900 digital camera with money we didn't have. His intent was to start doing event photography on the side. Fine, I said. I'll stop being pissed when you make $900 with it. I encouraged him to put together a portfolio. To scan in some of his photos from back in the day and use them. At a friend's wedding a year after that purchase, he asked if it would be OK to take some pictures. He shot maybe 30 pics. A few months later I took "his camera" as he STILL calls it to California with me for my friend's wedding. I shot over 300 pics in two days and love love loved it. I've been shooting more and more ever since.

That's what got me to finally officially "open for business." Too many friends are using photos I took - at the park, at nursery school, at playgroup - as grandparent gifts or in their holiday cards. My close friends have been urging me to take this hobby to the next level. So I made business cards, sent out postcards to everyone on our Christmas card list, put together a portfolio and started marketing myself. If I get no jobs between now and that wedding in May, I'll have at least earned back the money Jim spent on the damn camera.

So I told him tonight, about how I just booked Kate's wedding in May. AND THE FUCKER HAS THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME I SHOULD CONSIDER BRINGING HIM ALONG AS A SECOND PHOTOGRAPHER, THAT 100 PEOPLE IS TOO BIG FOR ME TO SHOOT ALONE. I'm so pissed. So pissed it has driven me to blog for the first time in months. Grr...