14 December 2009

Drama

I wish there wasn't so much drama in my life, but there is, and I don't always know how to deal or what the right reaction is. Seems like I get worked up about the little things but try to gloss over the big things. Like the fact that there's a golf ball sized cyst on my right ovary. We went in there at my annual exam to check on my fibroid (which hasn't grown in a year so we're going to ignore it for now) and BAM! Had to find something else. There's a variety of reasons for having a cyst in there, and my doctor isn't too worried (it wasn't super dense, just fluid filled, so no biopsy for now). But given my propensity not to ovulate and the fact that this one is larger than your average about-to-have-a-period cysts that happen all the time...I'm a little worried. I do feel pain there, but on a scale of 1 to 10 we're talking a 1, if that. It's more like a slight cramp that comes and goes. I've been chalking it up to my wacky reproductive system as a whole. So...I have to keep a journal of when I feel pain on that side (4 out of the past 6 days) and see if I get my period on my own. It's been 42 days. I've been taking progesterone on days 22-27 to induce a period, but skipped this month since I was going in for my check-up. We'll keep an eye on the pain befure, during, and after a period. So, yeah. I'm trying not to think about this one till the new year when we have some data behind us.

In good news, we have more ammo for the PCOS diagnosis - clear as day in black and white: I do not make near enough progesterone during the luteal phase of my "cycle." Not surprising, but nice to have it in writing now. Also, I do not produce enough seratonin. SERATONIN, people! The chemical that effects MOOD? No wonder I've been in such a plateau of depression! Plus a number of other vitamins/minerals/hormones that I'm off on all effect fatigue and anxiety. None are hugely off like the seratonin, but in concert together it adds up to one fucked up little body of mine. So we're playing with vitamins/supplements to boost seratonin production and other neuro-conectors and things should be running more smoothly soon. I hope.

I also hope that since I'm an emotional eater, and my emotions will soon be on the upswing, I'll be able to to get a better grip on that emotional eating. I was up 15lbs from the last time I stepped on the scale a few months ago, which is troubling, and confusing. Confusing because I don't know where that weight is - I've been wearing the same jeans for ages now. It's not like I wear sweats around the house. Wondering if I have a hollow leg or something. Anyway, I'm cautiously optomistic and plan on kicking the eating plan into high gear after the holidays. Sure, sure, the rest of your life starts now and all that shit. I'm trying out some new recipes, have cookies to bake, and a huge family dinner to look forward to on Christmas :)

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