03 June 2010

Death Watch 2010

Hmmm...as soon as I typed this title, I realized I had used it before. Well, it's grandma's turn. She's been in and out of the hospital with congestive heart failure and then a diabetes caused infection on her foot, and then she was back in the nursing/rehab side of her senior residence when she decided to get up in the middle of the night and fell and conked her head. The nurses left her sans walker or wheelchair on purpose, because she wasn't strong enough to walk herself. So...back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a month and now that she's there and they are monitoring her, her heart seems to be giving out. It gets arhythmic, they come in and massage her chest, then it goes back to normal. She's also not always with it anymore.

So...we're off to visit this weekend, Natalie and I. To say goodbye, really. And I can't help but feel that once she sees her great-granddaughter, that'll be it. Natalie has been her only reason to live for the past two years since grandpa died anyway. Once grandma feels she's said goodbye, I'm sure she'll pass. There's no fear of what the afterlife holds for her (duh, we're Christians, this was one Godly woman, we know where she'll be), there's no pain about a life cut short. I hope if this is her time, it goes quickly and painlessly. I'm wondering at what point they'll release her from the hospital and send her "home" to be on hospice. I'm wondering if our 3-day trip is going to turn into a week or more with a funeral to plan for...no sense driving home only to come back 2 days later.

I'm just praying that when we get there, she's lucid at least long enough for us to visit, and I'm praying with all my might that Natalie doesn't do the shy 4-year-old thing but is her bubbly self, dancing and singing and telling stories. Funny, her birthday was tuesday (86) and we didn't get her card in the mail in time - Natalie had painted some pictures and they weren't dry before the post-office closed before the 3-day memorial day weekend. So grandma's card is sitting at the nursing/rehab desk waiting for her return, a return that might not happen.